clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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