I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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