I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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