I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
