hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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