remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
