two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
