Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
