just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
