Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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