And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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