Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
