and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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