Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
