i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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