I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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