For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
