Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
