shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
