just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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