i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
