you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
