haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
