You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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