U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
