she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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