You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
