even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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