pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
