On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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