I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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