Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
