Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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