I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
