this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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