I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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