Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
