My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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