I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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