So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
don't judge my taste in strippers
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
