the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
