The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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