sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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