You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
