i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
