If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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