Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
