His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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