bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
