my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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