i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
