so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We need to get me chipped asap
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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