Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thus making me awesome and them whores
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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