It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
