who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
