he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
