Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
