Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
