we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
