Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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