he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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