And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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