well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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