it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
