hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
