haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
