It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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