ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
