She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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