Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ugly people sure do ruin things
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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